love

i had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine today. we were talking about how we need to fight the urge to speak ill of other people. it's actually not so much of an urge but an impulse. when a person does something that we don't approve of, our first instinct is to judge them. i am the first to admit that i do this quite often. and what's worse is i don't always keep these thoughts to myself, instead i air them out in the open. more often than not, these are 'minor' (i shouldn’t consider them minor) things like, this person is rude, this person is annoying, or dumb, or arrogant, etc. but when all is said and done, all these negative thoughts end up weighing me down and trapping me in a cycle of dismissal. i can't even count how many times i've dismissed someone after one incident, only to have that person say a kind word to me that makes me change my mind about them all together. those pesky feelings start to surface. you know. guilt. and you remember how you spoke ill of that person not too long ago. if our aim is to be constructive, we have to be our own worst critic. my harshest critic wouldn’t just tell me not to speak ill of people. instead, i shouldn’t even think ill of them. i need to train myself to diffuse those impulses all together. it won't be easy, i love talking smack. but i can't be on the wrong side any longer. when the prostitute washed jesus' feet with her tears, kissed them, and anointed them with perfume, was i on his side in loving and forgiving her, or with the pharisees who judged her and thought it was disgusting for her to touch him?

which brings me to my next point. jesus told them, because she has loved greatly, she was forgiven greatly. and those of us who do not love greatly, will not be forgiven greatly. i was telling my friend how i wanted to do things differently starting this year. love in particular. i want to love greatly. i have a huge capacity for love, i suspect we all do, but in the past, this was like a hidden secret. something embarrassing really. i'm not talking about the mom and dad and siblings kind of love. i love them, that's a given. they are a very safe target. they will love me back no matter what. what i mean is risky love. for instance, my friends. if you asked me how i felt about one of them, what would i say? i like them? they’re alright? the reality is i love them. it's embarrassing, i know. but i do. and why shouldn’t i love them? jesus wants me to love them. he wants me to love everyone!

i start discussing this with my friend a bit and we came to a few conclusions. we decided that it really isn’t all that risky to tell someone you love them, because chances are they love you back. so long as it isn’t a stranger you met on the bus this morning, i think it's safe to say that your friends love you. she then comes up with an excellent point. maybe love puts too much pressure on the relationship. perhaps, we're afraid to say we love each other because we're afraid to disappoint. if that's the case, then you should never tell anyone you love them. it's inevitable, you will disappoint them eventually. while this could be partially responsible, i have another theory. i think our notion of love has become terribly distorted. it seems to fall under two general categories. the first is family love, safe love, which often times has an undertone of let's just endure each other and try to get along. the other, we refer to as the "L" word. it's the feeling that only you and your romantic partner should have. maybe humankind has been reading too many romantic novels for the last 2000 years. or worse, we've grown cold and callous. pushing aside this guilt inducing notion of love and reserving it only for ourselves (how many times have you been told to love yourself first) and for intimate partners only.

i don't know how or why this has happened, but i wanted to swim against the tide. i started by stepping outside my comfort zone and telling my friend i loved her. i knew she would be embarrassed. i was too. i kept thinking, did i do something wrong? was i cheapening love, throwing it about like it was nothing? i know she loves me too, but was her idea of love distorted like mine? was it the "L" word? something that friends shouldn’t say to each other? she never said it back. and in that, i learned a huge lesson. i shouldn’t expect anything in return. frankly, it's wrong to expect anything in return. jesus wanted me to love even my enemies. he has made it clear that i shouldn't expect anything in return. who needs secondhand love, when you can have the original? his love never gets distorted or misinterpreted, and he never disappoints. but the tricky part is, god's love is as much something you receive as it is something you give. i must love unconditionally to feel god's love in my life. i must love those who love me, those who don't, even those who hate me. starting this year, i want to try to restore its true meaning. i hope to step outside my comfort zone again. i want to love greatly like he does.