Saturday, March 26, 2011

family

in my opinion, if you want to know someone at a deeper level, ask about their family. i don't mean try to fit them into a stereotype. like the "only child," or "raised by a single parent." rather, try to observe their attitude towards family members, how they describe them, how they interact with them. heck, if you can meet their family, i bet you'll learn a lot about the individual. some of us might think, eww my family doesn’t define me, or that we couldn’t be more different than our family members. but even if that's true, i think that understanding a person’s family dynamic can be really insightful into understanding how they came to be. for instance, i've found that someone who doesn’t treat their parents with respect, more likely than not, tends to be a bit self-centered, or might have trouble respecting others. it's hard to determine the cause and effect in a scenario like that. it could be that being innately self-centered is the cause, and the effect is not respecting the parents. but i personally lean towards the lack of behavioral guidance from the parents, which leads to the lack of respect as the cause, and the self-centered-ness being the effect. it doesn’t all have to be bad either. belonging to a large, rowdy family might help the individual be more socially interactive, maybe more confident. all these are generalizations of course, and people do have intrinsic personality qualities that are entirely genetic. in any case, what i really wanted to talk about was my family. bear with me, as the thought of how sappy this post might be is making me reconsider writing it!

first, i'd like to start with my dad. my dad is one of the humblest folks you might ever meet. he never asks for anything, never buys himself anything (unless it's tools to fix or build something for us), he doesn’t like to bother anyone with a request. we've learned to pick up on subtle cues. dad's church shoes don't match any of his clothes, time to buy him a new pair. i hear the sound of power tools in the distance, better go help him. that sort of thing. dad is also a big kid at heart. he sings annoying songs at the top of lungs in the morning to wake us up. he's also quite talented at making weird faces in all our photos. my dad also stresses like no other. he takes on everyone's stress too. he talks to me about other people's problems like they’re his own. he really sympathizes with people, which i think is such a good quality of his. well, i could probably write a book about my dad's personality but i think i'll leave it at that and move on to the mothership!

my mom is really sweet and caring. when i get sick, she stays up till 3 or 4 in the morning with me until i fall asleep. then goes to work a few hours later. her patients absolutely adore her too. she laughs at all my jokes, even if they’re not funny. she's just a big teddy bear, she even looks like one. my mom can be pretty feisty at times though, to say the least. you sort of have to give her some space until the tide settles. it's because she has a very intense personality. mostly she loves very strongly, but you definitely don't want to be on her bad side. although, in her defense, she is very quick to forgive. mom is also brutally honest at times. political correctness is a foreign concept to her. i really respect that about her though, and so do a lot of people, but i have to say, it has a tendency to get her in trouble.

my older sister mary is an interesting person. if you’re reading this mary, prepare yourself for some serious trash talk. you know that verse, "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself"? well i think that's her motto in life. things always tend to work out for her though and i'm sure god has great plans for her, none the less. mary is a very social person, i've never seen her shy or timid. she never chuckles, her laugh either bursts every eardrum within a 10 foot radius or she doesn’t laugh at all. people comment that we are polar opposites. i can be a bit shy and analytical while she just lives in the moment. she is always concerned with other people's comfort. she has to make sure everyone is having fun and no one is left out.

my younger sister shiry is also an interesting creature. i remember the year after i graduated, she moved into my old dorm building. my friends were telling me how much they all love her. also how they don't miss me anymore because she's replaced me. i can't really argue with them though. people adore the girl for some reason. i've never met anyone who doesn’t. and if they do exist, then they’ve made a horrible mistake. shiry is the kind of person that would never hurt a fly. she doesn’t like to talk bad about anyone. although she is very protective of her loved ones, so in that sense, you can bet she’ll stand up for you. if she trusts you, you can trust her with your life. she's logical but a bit naive at times. she's also extremely sensitive (the world is a messed up place shiry, get over it!). she's sort of my little minion. we do karate sometimes.

well, that's all for now. all this family talk is making me homesick :'-(

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

sharing

[i added english subtitles to this video i made a few years ago. it's one of my favorite coptic hymns ever, i think it captures jesus' life so beautifully. enjoy!]


i get a lot of good reading done on plane rides. on my connecting flight to atlanta the other day i noticed that i had a pretty strange habit. for some reason, i always have an urge to share my "discoveries" with other people. like if i'm reading a book, and i stumble on a passage that really hits home, i have a hard time quietly accepting it and being content with my own personal gain from it. my mind always thinks, "oh my gosh! that's incredible! do people know about this? does the lady next to me know about this? i have to tell her!" of course, i never go through with it, although if i had the slightest hint that she was curious about what i was reading, i would instantly point to the page and tell her, "please read this right now!" i thought to myself, well, that isn’t such a bad habit to have. you just want to share good things, enlightening words, ideas. it's not like you’re cramming your thoughts down anybody's throat. god knows, nobody likes those types. but while in that sense it's not such a bad habit, i've come to realize that it is the source of much of my personal struggles. how? well, when i meet someone who doesn’t believe in god, i feel so helpless. even if the person is quite vocal about it, feeling the need to tell you how stupid you are or the reasons why god doesn’t exist. i honestly have never felt insulted or angry by those things. just plain sad and hopeless. i think to myself, why lord? why don’t they give you a chance? why have they made up their minds? you are the source of so much happiness, why can’t i share that happiness with them?

see the thing is, people don't rule out religion, or god, or christianity, because they don't like christ or his teachings, but because they don't like christians. or certain christians they have encountered more specifically. which i think is such a shame. because christianity to me is a personal journey. it's about christ, not christians. i wish people would read god's words with an open mind and an open heart and judge for themselves, without being influenced by others. because i know it would provide meaning and purpose to their lives.

you only have one life, don't let it waste away. seek the truth. because the reality is that you have a choice to make. the most important choice of your life. when you read jesus' words, you will be left with the decision that either he is the son of god, the creator of the universe, or he is a crazy person. his words are either the absolute truth or they are the most malicious lies the world has ever known. either he is god or he is a con artist. you can't be on the fence about it and you can't believe that he was a great teacher or philosopher. he did not give you that choice. lewis says in mere christianity, that jesus' second coming, to those who will be alive then, "will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature... now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. god is holding back to give us that chance. it will not last forever. we must take it or leave it." i don't like to think about christianity that way, the doom and gloom, people will perish type of thing, but unfortunately it is a fact of life. i wish that the whole world could be saved and that no one would feel fear at the sight of jesus. it's such a depressing thought. i don't want jesus, who loves us so much, to be disappointed in us. i want him to look down and see smiling faces, tears of joy, people ready to go with him. god knows, i have my own problems and plenty of regrets in my life, but if i'm allowed to be with him one day, i want to be able to see everyone i know there. i want to laugh about it and there needs to be hugs and high fives. i don’t want anyone to be left behind. sometimes it's hard to focus on your own salvation when you're worried about everyone else! lord, please enter our hearts and help us to see the truth. please don't leave anyone behind.

Friday, March 4, 2011

samaritan

it's already march. i think i accidentally hit snooze and slept through these past two months. i realized this downtown the other day. me and a friend were picking up a movie at the redbox in mcdonalds (the one on 2nd street specifically), when i got this "grossed out" feeling. i was grossed out by the people there. it was late and the restaurant had its fair share of homeless. even though we were downtown, and not at the classiest mickey d's in the world, feeling that way was not acceptable. my thought process wasn’t a conscious one either. i'm not sure if that makes me more or less guilty. on one hand, i can tell myself, you didn’t consciously judge anyone and you didn’t act on your feelings by giving anyone a bad look or making a negative comment, so no harm done. on the other hand, doesn’t the fact that i inherently felt that way mean that part of me feels superior to others? 2011 was supposed to be a year of inner growth. have i been growing at all?

later that night i was listening to a song about the good samaritan. and you know what i realized? i'm nothing like the good samaritan. currently, i'm one of the other two men. i could imagine it, the two men walked by, one after the other. they looked down at the injured man and thought, he's probably a criminal or something. i shouldn’t get involved. they, being highly esteemed members of society and all, a priest and a levite. they couldn’t imagine themselves in a situation like his. then a samaritan walks by. he felt sympathy (not pity) on the man and instantly ran to his aid. what’s more, he didn’t half-heartedly help him either. if he did the bare minimum to help, you could argue that he was doing it so he wouldn’t feel guilty (essentially helping himself/trying to maintain a concept of himself as being a good person). but no, he went the whole nine yards. he helped because he loved. he was unassuming. his actions were not self-serving. he chose anonymity and didn’t seek praise. his actions really epitomized non-judgment, grace, and humility. keep in mind, this was a samaritan! they weren’t exactly thought of as "god's people" to the jews back then. jesus loved the shock factor, he really wanted to break us of our preconceived notions of others. i'm trying to change lord, don't give up on me yet!

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