"when i die, jesus will stand in the gap for me and i will be heard and the lord will say, 'i know you.'"
i just read a book called "have a little faith" by author mitch albom. it was a true story about the author being asked to write a eulogy for his rabbi. but really, it was about spiritual re-awakening. i thought it was beautiful and it even had me swallowing lumps towards the end. for some reason, the quote above really stood out to me. i had to pause for a second. it was scary, made me nauseous. i was thinking, what if i stood there, the gap separating me and jesus, and he looked at me but didn’t recognize me? what if he looked at me and said, 'i don't know you.' my heart sank. and as i'm thinking about it, i began to tell myself, surely not me, i've been good, i've done good things. and again i paused. i couldn’t for the life of me think of the last good deed i'd done. i was thinking, lord please, hold on, give me a minute, i'll think of something. but i couldn't think of anything. i try to be kind to people, but have i ever gone out of my way, come down on myself for someone else?
lord, i'm not like you. i'm mean and selfish. and if you don't want to know me, i understand. but if you could please give me some more time, because i will try harder. "the sacrifices of god are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, o lord, you will not despise" psalm 51:17. lord, i don't blame you if you don't want to know me right now, but please don't despise me. i know that my heart is not good. i have no excuses, no one to blame, no circumstances to point to. but i love you. so please just hold on, don't give up on me yet.
