abouna paul gave an inspiring sermon on tuesday about saint matthew. i thought it was so good that i decided to write this to organize my thoughts and so i will remember it always.
As He passed by, He saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax office. And He said to him, “Follow Me.” So he arose and followed Him. Mark 2:14.
god sees us not as we are now, but rather he sees the potential in us. just as he saw the potential in matthew (levi) the tax collector.
so what does it mean to be a tax collector anyway? a tax collector back in those days wasn’t an uninterested government employee, like someone who works for the IRS or something. rather, it was someone jewish, who had basically sold their soul to the romans (the gentile occupiers) and so was hated by the jews. they weren’t particularly liked by the romans either, being jewish and worshiping some crazy god who wasn’t jupiter or apollo. tax collectors also needed to be a bit callous and shrewd due to the nature of the profession and all. so basically everyone hates you. and because everyone hates you, if you need company or want to go out for a night on the town, you basically had to go to places that weren’t exactly moral and dignified. the only places you might be accepted. so being a tax collector also meant you had to adjust to the people you were always surrounded with, which in this case were less than good company. as you can imagine, matthew must have been viewed as quite the scum bucket.
but i have a feeling that as much as he probably brushed it off, being hated like that must weigh on a person's mind and soul. i think god knew matthew was craving something pure and right. something tangible and true. so when jesus (who the town had no doubt been talking about, some saying he was elijah reborn, other that he was the messiah) came walking by matthew's house that day, i’m sure he must have been standing by the front door, curious to see who this person was and what they looked like. so jesus is coming down the road, and you can tell he's coming because of the noise and the crowd. he walks down, like a man on a mission, towards matthew. matthew's heart must have been pounding so hard when he saw jesus' eyes looking directly at him as he walked closer. then he stopped and the crowd grew quiet. he then gently asked matthew the tax collector, "follow me." at that moment, matthew must have been so shocked that he had no words. he knew in his heart that those two words were the only words of truth he had ever heard from the day he was born on this earth. i can totally imagine the looks of horror on everyone's face when jesus asked matthew to follow him. are you kidding me?? the tax collector??? there has got to be someone more qualified than him, what about me? certainly i’m better than matthew the tax collector!! heck, i’m sure matthew was thinking the same thing. could he ever have predicted that he was to write one of the gospels? to contribute to our understanding of god's nature and the key to life itself.
it's amazing really, that we have this explosive potential within us. god wants us all to be little matthews. he sees the potential in each of us because we were all born with gifts, little pieces of god himself. the lucky ones have already discovered them and use them to inspire us and show us that we can all be little beacons of light for god. but the unlucky ones, like myself, are still struggling to figure out how to give in to god's love and follow him unconditionally. i want so badly to hear jesus say to me, "follow me," "follow me, john." i think i would break down and cry and apologize for everything i’ve ever done wrong. i’m sorry i was not loving jesus, i’m sorry i was selfish, i’m sorry i lied, i’m sorry i did not stand up for what was right, please forgive me and give me a new heart. mine is not good. but i know you see the potential in me. i wish you would give me a total transformation, starting with some bleach and scrubbing my heart until it became white again. lord this is what i want for the new year. i want you to give me a chance and let me start a new. this time i’m giving you control of the reins, because i’m sick of trusting myself. i don’t know anything and have never known anything. lord, won’t you show me the way?
