pacman

sometimes i wish i was one of the ghost's from pacman. but i wouldn’t be trying to eat anybody, i would just be sitting off to the side somewhere and people would forget i was there. just me, under a blanket essentially, with a pair of eye holes. i'm not sure why i have this urge to blend in with the surroundings and disappear. it makes no sense, since most people who know me would say that i'm a pretty social person. sometimes, when i'm visiting home, i like to hide upstairs, or run off and do things by myself. my family thinks i'm being rude, and i suppose they’re right, but i can't help it. their explanation is that i want to be a desert monk. my mom calls my room, "el alaya," like a monk's cell. but honestly it has nothing to do with monasticism (although i'm not ruling it out!), i really can't explain it.

i'm writing about this now because on my flight to atlanta i realized this is something i'd like to change about myself. i came to this realization when i arrived to my seat and was immediately attacked by my neighbor. he wanted to talk and get to know me although i had my headphones in and was clearly in pacman ghost mode. how rude of him. well, we got to talking and it wasn’t so bad. we discussed school; he's a virginia tech alum living in seattle and works for bill gates. he's currently working on "microsoft phone." he had a functioning prototype, which was neat. then we discussed the japanese puzzle book he was working on and how he couldn’t speak a word of japanese. all in all, it made the plane ride a lot shorter and more enjoyable. after i arrived at my gate though, i was wakka wakka wakka, back in the mode, speeding down the lobby for no reason.

maybe it has something to do with my childhood. you see, when i was younger, i was painfully shy. if someone started talking to me i would be like, WHY GOD?? so naturally, being shy like that puts you into one of two categories. either you’re a serial killer, or you’re a hidden genius. well, i am neither of those, although since i was in a few AP classes in high school, people assumed the latter. it was so annoying having people think i was smart. every time i opened my mouth to say something, they anticipated something wise and enlightening. when all i had to say was, "uhhh.. are we on page 130?" even my teacher would say, "no, but did you read something interesting on page 130, john? class, let's all flip to page 130." so annoying. i remember one time in AP english, we were discussing a short story. it was my turn to contribute so i made something up about one of the character's having a christ-like role. blah, blah. and after i was done, it was deathly quiet. then one of my classmates says, "i think my IQ just went up like 20 points." i wanted to run away screaming. i remember thinking, this is why i should keep my mouth shut! i know what you’re thinking. what?? that’s such a compliment! you’re weird! but really, i didn’t want to be the quiet smart kid, i wanted to be normal. i wanted to be able to say, "pooop!" and not have half the class analyze why i chose that word, or what hidden meanings i was trying to convey. perhaps, all those years of being shy and timid somehow dug themselves deep in my personality. and perhaps, i need to work harder to be more outgoing. the world needs more puzzle doing, microsoft working, get-to-know-you type people.

before i conclude my useless rant, i want to ask whoever's reading this to please pray for our brothers and sisters who are facing tough times in egypt and anywhere else christ is persecuted. lord, please wrap your arms around us like a loving father and protect us in the coming days.