rescue me

why does god let me fall? why does he allow it? i ask myself this question all the time. but today, i sort of had a rare moment of clarity and i'm not sure how i didn’t see it before. actually, i think i knew the answer all along but was trying to avoid it. so a sunday school teacher is telling a class of youngsters that god is almighty and that he is capable of anything. then a cute little toddler raises her hand and says, nope he's not, he's not capable of sinning. the teacher doesn’t know how to respond to that. it's true, god doesn’t sin, he only does good. so how does that make any sense? well, here's the thing. sin, wrongdoings, bad deeds, whatever you want to call it, should not be thought of as an 'ability'. instead, think of it as more of an anti-ability, an ability gone wrong. like, let's say i spend all day baking bread for you and everyone i know. once it's ready, i take it out of the oven and it's warm and ready to eat. and after i hand it out to everyone, to my surprise, the whole room begins throwing it at each other! well, that's not what i intended, to say the least. sin, is sort of like that. it's not what we were intended to do. it's not how god intended for us to use our free will. it's not an ability, it's like a twisted loophole. so how does that tie in with my original question? well, i was listening to a sermon today and was reminded of a really great verse in exodus. "the lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." moses said this right before he split the red sea (or rather, before god did). people were freaking out as word spread that pharaoh was coming back for them with a vengeance. everyone was yelling, moses! what have you done? you brought us here to die! where is god? omg omg! this is not long after they witnessed god's power in egypt mind you. but of course god didn’t forget them. he was there to bail them out as always.

so that's when it hit me. how many times has god bailed me out? how many times has he rescued me? when i fall, when i'm in trouble, i do exactly what the israelites did! i throw my fists up to the heavens and ask god why he has allowed this to happen. somehow today i realized that it isn’t about god allowing bad things to happen to me, it's about how i put myself in bad situations and when i turn to him, he bails me out. i'm the one who goes against my better judgment and in the end i blame it on god or anyone but me. me and you, we know the difference between right and wrong. but sometimes we choose wrong because it's easy or it satisfies a need or we're just so darn used to it. it's twisted. like throwing bread when i should be eating it. i know i've nailed a lot of people with big ol' hunks of bread in my life. that's a fact. god isn't allowing bad things to happen, he's just giving us the freedom to create bad things for ourselves and others. but like a loving father, he comes quickly to our aid and fights for us when we need him. given, of course, that we've learned our lesson.

i know what you might be thinking. some bad things really do happen out of the blue, some of them are not products of my wrongdoings. be that as it may, you have to keep in mind that you are as much a product of your own actions as you are other people's. sometimes, you really can be a victim and not a co-conspirator (although be careful in making that judgment). in those situations, you just have to be still and place your troubles in bigger hands. one's that are more capable than yours. but what about those problems that no one can be blamed for? like if a meteor from outer space suddenly crashes into my house! or getting sick, or having an accident? well, that's a discussion for a whole 'nother blog. but i suspect that if it doesn’t kill you, it will bring you closer to god. anything that brings me closer to god, is a blessing in disguise, right? lord, thank you for always being there for me. it is such a relief to know that you have my back even if i don't deserve it.