JNLDETR

i was in the car with a friend today when i heard a police siren that reminded me of a weird dream i had last night. it starts with me sitting in my living room, feet propped up on the table. the sun is shining through the patio blinds, it's warm and fills up the whole room with light. i turn to a friend sitting beside me and ask, “why haven’t they been able to re-create sunlight? all our man made light sources don't come close really. you can easily tell the difference between a halogen, or fluorescent, or incandescent and real sunlight.” then my friend comments on how the sun is a giant ball of burning gas and wonders why it hasn’t run out yet. “who do you suppose created that first spark and lit it on fire?” he said. “god i think, but it really is amazing how it's been burning for millions of years and hasn’t run out yet,” i reply. then i start to wonder whether perhaps a million earth years equals a millisecond in universe time and that maybe we're stuck in time between the point of spark! the sun's on fire, and poof! it's out. just as i'm thinking about this, i was rudely awakened by an ambulance racing down my street. as it drives farther and farther away i remember the doppler effect (you know, from physics class??) and how when it was racing toward my apartment, the frequency of its siren was quite high, weewooweewooweeoo, and as it drove past and got farther away the siren's frequency became much lower, weeeeeewooooooweeeeeewoooooo…

what does that have to do with anything? well, being the huge nerd that i am, i remember watching a show on the history channel about this insane theory by an insane drugged out mathematician called timewave zero. in a nutshell, he developed this computer software that used an ancient chinese chart of 64 different symbols, giving each symbol a binary code, etc, etc (i’ll spare you the details/i don't remember most of it). in the end he came up with a graph that supposedly shows that all major world events occur because of a predictable rhythm of the universe that can be mathematically determined. this is what the end result looks like:

anyway, his theory, plus my dream with the sun and being stuck in time, resulted in a brand new theory that i am calling, john's non-linear doppler effect time relationship. so in JNLDETR, time is not so much linear, but more of a wave, much like light or sound. when the wave is at a low frequency, as in, the space between two adjacent peaks or troughs of the wave is very large, world events are sparse (each peak and trough representing a major world event). but as we travel along the wave of time, we are moving closer and closer to a single point of action, like the ambulance moving closer to my apartment (but reversed, with me moving closer to it instead). the frequency of time gets higher and higher as we get closer, leading to more significant world events in high concentration, until we finally reach the source, whatever it may be. what do you think? nobel prize worthy? someone out there has to appreciate my dorkyness right?